Sh*t collaborating MDs say

NB: Actual quotes from the past few months. During bedside rounds: "I am Dr. __" (Attending), "this is Dr. __" (Resident), "and this is the rest of the team here with you today," (waves hand to indicate myself and the group of medical students behind me."I am really excited about the tub for hydrotherapy. But, I would really rather we do continuous monitoring for women while they're in the water.""When my daughter comes into the hospital to have her baby, I want to know that I have trained these residents to be the best doctors out there. I don't want the midwives messing with the education of really great doctors."Said by an MD to a patient whom I referred for high risk care, due to very low thyroid, untreated, in early pregnancy: "Stephanie has had three months of thyroid training, and I've had eight years. She has no idea what she is talking about.""You know what they say about patients with birth plans, right?""She's really plump, like really plump, so you know there's got to be a big baby in there."Regarding a patient after she was consented for a cesarean section: "I have never had someone ask so many questions and be so annoying!""Are you done signing off your patients? Do you still have to be here?"After suggesting a plan of action for a Resident, when none of the teaching physicians responded to her question, the physician responded directly to me: "Well, I'm the Attending, so that will be my decision, won't it?""So why would a woman want you to take care of her, when a doctor can do everything you do plus take care of all of her emergencies?"In reference to a patient who had just been admitted in spontaneous labor: "We are inducing women's labors here! Why haven't you ruptured your patient's bag? You do know that's a way of speeding up her labor, right?""You can do stitching?""Why would you come to a Code OB?""I don't do tubal ligations immediately postpartum, while women are still at the hospital. That way, they have to come back to the clinic a few more times for the consult and rescheduling, so I get more encounters by waiting to do it until later.""There's no need for you to explain those things to the medical students. We teach our own kind.""Why do you get so involved with your patients little stuff? Don't you have social workers you can refer them to?""She has 18 years to bond with the baby, there's no need for her to hold him right away. That's the nurse's job. "