Oh, did you remember to vote today? Alright, moving on.
This month has been a real challenge of balancing the ‘groove’ of feeling like I am becoming comfortable with my practice style, and feeling like I should be trying harder. A month of thinking that what I am doing is correct, and learning that I should always double-check my evidence-base and latest recommendations. A month of feeling good about my decisions as a provider, and feeling like I have no idea what I am doing. Needless to say, I am exhausted by the time I arrive home at night.
I have also been able to more clearly see the defined outlines of my job in this practice, and seek out opportunities to expand my work. I see the clear lines of the community in which I work, and where I need to expand to continue to work within the desires of my soul: working with women from all backgrounds, from all beliefs systems, from all identities, and with all types of choice needs. I am seeking out those trainings and finding friendships within that wider provider group.
Two different sets of family have already visited us this month. There is no feeling like family, and the family you choose, being near you or making their voice and their love heard. What a wonderful few days to have had with such loving and joyful people.
I just finished reading “a stolen life” by Jaycee Dugard. This is the autobiography about her being kidnapped at 11 years old and living as a prisoner in a married couple’s backyard for 18 years. She gave birth to two children when she was still in her early teens, attended in the births by the man (who sexually abused her) and his wife. The children were then told to call Jaycee “sister” and the fellow kidnapper, “Mommy.” A cycle of pain that has such a beautiful ending for her and her daughters; what strength that woman had at her core, even as a young girl, to be able to maintain herself throughout that experience.
Lately I am feeling challenged by my patients on multiple levels, often more than one level in the same visit: challenged for my presumed (and usually correct) age, challenged for their feeling of my role as knowledgeable and caring friend (due to my age) or my role as healthcare provider, and challenged for my empathy or my sympathy when something goes wrong, or their lack of awareness of my frightened feeling of possibly being numb to either of those the next time it happens to her or to a different woman.
I am searching for true, thoughtful, and heart-felt gifts for the upcoming season of family birthdays and solstice celebrations. I have found some amazing groups thanks to women advertising other works of women, and am looking forward to sharing these with you soon.
And finally, I would ask, and ensure, that you are warm, that you are cared for, and that you feel loved by those who surround you. Especially in the winter season, there is a need to feel embraced, to feel in company, and to feel heated both internally and externally by your life and your work. I wish that for you. Happy November.